The Middle

So we left our story in the middle of my self torture. I was doing stupid things like making lists of my future children's names and getting online and using silly websites that meshed photos of my husband and I's face and created a picture of what our baby would look like. It was absolutely pathetic. I was absolutely pathetic.

We waited for what seemed like forever. Really, it was 5 years. But let me tell you 5 years can seem like an eternity. I am not really sure why it took us so long...actually it is my fault completely and totally. Just ask my husband. :) But truthfully, it was my fault. You see, as a planner, I like to stick to the plan. And at times I can get pretty stubborn about "the plan." This was one of those times. From the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted to adopt, and my husband wanted to adopt since he was a little boy. My problem wasn't that I was unwilling to look at other options, it was that I wanted things to happen in the order that I had planned them to occur. (Please tell me I am not the only person like this, it would make me feel so much better). So what had to happen, what took forever to happen, was for me to get over my plan. My husband gave up the plan long before I did and with his Job like patience he waited for me to do the same.

When I asked my husband if he remembered how we finally decided to change "the plan" he laughed at me. Ya, it was in November sometime and you were crying. (Big surprise, I did a lot of that in those days) I said why don't we adopt. (Such a smart man I married) And you said 'Really?' (Did I mention sometimes I am slow to catch on?) And I said 'Really. Are you ok with that?' You said, 'Ya, are you?' And folks in an effort to keep from boring you to tears I will stop the play by play and just tell you that on that evening the plan changed.

We didn't tell anyone at first. It was to fragile. So we played it close and started researching our options. We are not super speedy people (in case you didn't notice that it took us 5 years to change out plan). We think things through and then do it again, just to make sure we didn't miss anything. This decision was no different. We made so many phone calls and looked at so many websites. Were we going to adopt internationally (which I thought was less expensive and was quicker, HA! I had no idea)? Or domestically? An infant? Foster care? Oh my goodness, it was a crazy world we were entering in to and we didn't have a clue.

In the spirit of complete honesty I will tell you that I wanted a baby. I even bought a cute little onesie for my future child (ok, so I am really good at the self torture thing). Always and forever the picture in my mind of me as a parent was with a darling cherubic baby in my arms. Until, I found out just how expensive a darling cherubic baby would cost me. Let me pause for a moment to make it clear that in the United States it is against the law to sell or buy children. That does not mean however that it doesn't cost money. The cost is actually quite ridiculous. We found that out very quickly. After a few disappointing meetings we found ourselves looking straight in the eyes of foster care adoption.