I can't hardly begin to describe the crazy messiness of my life.
Monday, last week, I returned to work.
Thursday, last week, our permanent in home numbers jumped from three to four.
Weekends are filled with all five of us.
There is no time. For anything. Not one single thing. Not even using the bathroom. Every moment is full. Exhausting. Draining. Hard.
It is difficult to explain. Something so wonderful. That fills my heart to overflowing. I don't want to sound ungrateful. Because I am not. My family is a miracle. This is who we were meant to be. But even in bliss there is pain. How can that be? I wish I could say. But for all of us it is there.
For G it is the loss of a mother. She still loves. The excitement of a forever home is overshadowed at times by memories of a mom who didn't/couldn't be what she needed to be. The fear of new rules. And thrill of a new room. The love of her baby brother. And distaste for a new one.
For M it is joy in brotherhood. And loss of attention. It is playmates. And learning to share. Laughter and tears.
For C it is hugs. Kisses. Being told no. People to play with. New smells and foods. It is learning to cry on a new shoulder. Again. Refusing to sleep. Testing limits. Giggling. Walking in everyone's shoes.
For me it is loving. When unloved. Quieting screams. Even when those screams exist because of me. It is mother/daughter shopping dates. Picking out paint. Decorating in cheetah print. It is saying goodbye. When it should be forever. It is patience. And then some. It is trusting that I won't fail completely. Trying not to think about how much I don't know. It is forcing togetherness and pasting on smiles. It is work. And more work. And then some more.
For The Hubs it is watching it all. Loving the growth. Hating the pain. It is being most desired. And not necessarily wanting it that way. It is working all day. And coming home to no rest. It is playing. Loving. Teaching. Silly sounds and slobbery kisses.
A miracle for us all. An answer to prayer. But a very bumpy road. We are bumped and bruised. Smiling. Even as we are wounded. Because this is forever. And this is us. A family.
Linking up here...
Love this friend! Love you and your messy family :)
ReplyDeleteLove you too! :)
DeleteWelcome to the chaos:) just make sure to ask for help when u need it..everyone needs some time off..to yourself. For some of us work is our day off..lol
ReplyDeleteHa! Well I would rather be at home than at work. But I understand what you are saying. And someday I am sure I will have a day to myself again. But for right now it is altogether, all the time. :)
DeleteI think you summed that up pretty succinctly! I am wonderfully thrilled/anxious/happy/empathetic for you! :) Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jodi! :)
DeleteCongrats lauralee> On your new family. AS an adopted child and in a home of 9 with 5 adopted along the way with many different ages adopted , I am always willing to share my perspective if it would be helpful. I was adopted at birth, but have a sister adopted at 17 months, and 3 siblings that were in and out through foster care until much later in early teens we finally got to keep them. It is tough on all members as we all change in our own ways and in our own time.
ReplyDeleteIs the cheetah print for the older girl child??? Good luck in the adjustments!
Kari, I had no idea! And yes the cheetah print is for her room. We are letting her pick the decor. So cheetah print and neon colors here we come. :)
DeleteYou are an amazing and strong woman and family. Thank you for sharing your life. I am inspired.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by and thank you so much for the compliment. :)
DeleteVery interesting post.
ReplyDelete