What It's Like Wednesday... #13

I love you. 
Words once flowed easily. Unexpected but received happily. Unasked for. I grew used to them. Took it for granted. I don't know what happened. Now they sputter and die before reaching her lips. Love not reciprocated is painful.
Justification. Logic. It is easy. My mind knows the answer. Knows that it is normal. But normal isn't easy. What my mind easily accepts my heart bleeds over. Once again at a loss.
Forcing love isn't love. So I say it. I hug. I kiss. I laugh. When I want to cry and yell and scream.
I choose to be a mom even when she chooses not to be a daughter. I choose to wait.
I hope for someday. When I love you doesn't echo hollowly through my heart and our house. When she knows that she is loved and loves in return.  Not because she has to. Not because it is polite. But because love has filled the empty recesses of her heart. Because she stopped staring into the past and looks expectantly into her future.
Because I love her and she loves me.

Five Minute Friday... New

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A new day. Sun streaming. Morning wake up songs. Hustle and bustle. Cereal eaten. Cereal spilled. Lunches packed. Notes written. Bundled up and out the door. Like a bright shiny new penny the day gleams with it's newness. It's promise of hope and life. I am so grateful for new days. A chance to start again. To see progress. Tiny as it many be. We each get a new chance. To alter course if needed. And I am thankful.
Today is a new day.
This is the day He has made.
I will rejoice in it.
Yesterday is over. Today is here. I will relish the new and learn from the old. Choose not to tire of the sameness. Choose not to live the same way. It is a new day. And tomorrow will be too.

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 Linking up here...

What It's Like Wednesday... #12

It has been so long. 5 months. A whirlwind of change. Life turned upside down. Moments filled with joy. With love. With heart rending pain. Growth. Backward motion. Life is a constant pendulum. Swinging back and forth without thought,without care for those it carries. We are holding on. Enjoying the the upswings. Surviving the downswings. Most days I feel inept. It is so hard. I wish I was more. I wish I had the answers. The ability to heal what has been broken. The patience to wait it out. Most days I feel like a rag wrung dry. With nothing left to give. There isn't always enough love. I wish there were. But sometimes I reach the the end of me. When there is nothing left to give. When I am hurt. And empty. When I see pain and can't be moved to soothe it. There are so many days I don't know how to make it through. It would be easier to quit. To allow my inabilities to dictate our life. I fail so much. But my heart has been given. I can't take it back. And I am so grateful. For The Hubs. And my mom. And my Jesus. When I have nothing left they are still there. When love is so far from my heart I can't see it. Jesus still loves. And his grace is sufficient. I can give his love, even if I have none of my own. And when I don't know how. My mom does. She encourages and speaks the wisdom I couldn't see. And my husband. He sees my ugly and loves me anyways. Lets me cry and vent and blame. My life is not what it was. Sometimes I long for what I no longer have. I give in to self pity, selfishness and anger. There isn't any promise of better days. But I hope for them. And I lean on those who are stronger than me. This is what my life is really like.

Returning in July

I have been a horrible blogger the last couple of months and have pretty much abandoned it for June. I will return to my previous blogging schedule after the 4th of July. Thanks for sticking with me. :)

Book Giveaway - Spreading Joy Daily

Life is busy. I get caught up in the shuffle. Put my nose to the grindstone. And don't look up sometimes for days. It is easy to have tunnel vision. It is easy to forget that people matter. Because my list just keeps getting longer and longer and longer. And even if I do remember, I am overwhelmed by the thought of any more effort exerted. Tell me I am not the only one who feels this. I want to make a difference. I want to be a light. But so often I just live and work and breath in my bubble without even thinking about the people who brush past it. But no more!
I have the pleasure of reviewing and giving away a true treasure of a book. Spreading Joy Daily by Marie Wikle is an easy to read, easy to follow plan for bringing joy into people's lives. Most of the ideas are easy and inexpensive to implement. They range from reaching out to strangers by paying for their order in line to putting smiles on the faces of family members by taking the time to cook them a nice breakfast. It is such a great eye opener. Causing the reader to evaluate previously unnoticed opportunities to bring joy into people's lives.
What I think I love most about this book is how very easy Marie has made it to be a blessing. There is an activity for every day! Thus eliminating any excuse for not getting out and spreading a little joy. :)
Another thing I love is the organization behind the book Spreading Joy Corp. They have a great website with lots of resources. And 100% of the purchase profits goes right back into helping others. They have no paid employees. Including the author! Every one of them is a volunteer. They just care about encouraging others and giving back. Pretty cool, huh?  To get you started you can check out these two articles (1 & 2) about 50 ways to make a difference without spending a single penny.
You should also check out these links to find out more...
Twitter – http://twitter.com/spreadingJOY Facebook – http://facebook.com/spreadingjoycorp Pinterest - http://www.pinterest.com/mariewikle/

So now that you are all pumped up and ready to spread joy like Marie encourages us to do it is time for our giveaway! One luck reader will be getting their very own copy in the mail!

Five Minute Friday : Close

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I long to be close. For it to be easy. But instead every Saturday we find ourselves in a lurching dance. Trying to be close. Trying not to step on each other's toes.  The moments when I long to put my hand on her beautiful head. Or squeeze her 'til she feels every last drop of love. And she is silent. But longs for closeness too. I see it. As she ever so slowly moves closer and closer on the couch. Finally her leg barely brushes mine. Or she leans in. But just a little.
Why do we hesitate? A mother and daughter. We shouldn't feel the awkwardness of strangers. And yet we do. Because we are. Only 4 short weeks. And only Saturdays and half of Sundays.
I ache for the closeness that should be. I ache for her. I ache for me. I want to be close. So close that we don't hesitate for hugs. Or have to ask. Close enough to smile confidently. Close enough to love without fear.
Oh, I can't wait to be close.

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Contributor post

I am posting over with my friends at Satisfaction Through Christ.